Thursday, May 5, 2011

This is NOT fun

Tomorrow, Matt will complete radiation treatment #14 of 37. He still has a way to go. This week was supposed to be a week of celebrations at our house. Our 13th wedding anniversary was Sunday, my birthday was today, Camden's birthday tomorrow and Mother's Day on Sunday. Unfortunately, it has been a trying week for our family and most especially Matt.

The side effects of the radiation have worsened over the last week. Matt can now only last about 4-5 hours in the morning and then, he needs to sleep. He comes home from work at lunch time and takes a 2-3 hour nap and then, never really bounces back after the nap. He feels nauseous all the time. His mouth is filled with a thick mucus that makes it hard to swallow and talk. He has blisters on the inside of his cheek and lip and his tongue is basically raw. He has also completely lost his taste buds. This morning, he said to me, "I can't do this anymore." It's getting tough.

I feel completely helpless watching him suffer. There is not much I can do to ease his discomfort other than let him sleep and rest. It breaks my heart to not hear his laughs or see his smile all day. I just want to scream, "Why?? Why does he have to go through this?" On the other hand, we need him to do this for us. This radiation will hopefully be away to get ahead of the cancer, so we never have to deal with this again. I am just holding on with white knuckles to the Truth I know, but sometime it's so hard to grasp.

I Peter 1:6-7
"There is wonderful joy ahead even though it is necessary for you to endure many trials for a while. These trials are only to test your faith, to show that it is strong and pure. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold--and your faith is far more precious to God than mere gold. So if your faith remains strong after being tried by fiery trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world."

"Like a metalsmith, God places His precious ore in a fire to consume the dross--to purify the metal, not to destroy it. And He never leaves the metal alone in the fire. He stays with it through each step of the refining process, until He can see His own image reflected in its surface."

This is NOT fun. I pray that as God is refining and purifying Matt and me that He will be pleased with the final outcome. It's going to hurt, it's going to be timely, and it's going to require total loss of control. He loves us so much that He will not leave our side during this entire journey. I pray that our purified metal reflects Christ's image to reveal His glory to all when this is over.

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