Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since Matt's last treatment. His first week was rough. Two days after completion of treatment, he got 3 new blisters/sores on his tongue. It was so painful for him to talk. It was a little discouraging knowing he should be on the mend.
Moving into the second week, we finally began to "see the light"! He began to feel better. He was able to talk without gagging (this was a huge accomplishment). This past Sunday was his first Sunday back to preach at Paragon Church. I think I held my breath for the first 5 minutes. He brilliantly planned to have our worship leader, Gerome, read the passages for him and then sing songs between his major points. This allowed him time to rinse his mouth out and take a break. God is good!
A couple of nights ago, Matt and I were talking about the whirlwind that we've been through in the last few months. February 14 of this year changed any plans we had for the immediate future. We talked about how we had made it. Now, things are going to only get better from here. The battle in my mind begins to flip-flop. One minute, I resonate our accomplishment. The next my mind races with all the "what if's". What will the results of the next PETscan show? Will the cancer come back? Will cancer take my husband's life? I don't remember being this fearful the first time. Maybe it is because it did return and in such an agressive way. Then, God quickly reminds me of His greatness. My mind turns back to how faithful He has been. Matt is still here. He can still speak...Praise God. He has been faithful in our church. People have stepped up and the ministry to Rio Rancho didn't skip a beat....Praise God. I have to hold onto His greatness. He is greater still. I have to trust in His greatness. I will never be able to fully know His greatness this side of Heaven, but I have to purpose to recognize it in everything He has entrusted to me....blessings and trials.
"Give me grace to see beyond this moment here,
to believe that there is nothing left to fear.
And You were on it, high above it all,
And You, my God, are greater still"
by Natalie Grant
God's Word reminds us that NOTHING can separate us from His love....not fear, not cancer, not inadequacy, not imperfection, not distance....NOTHING.
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."